A Short Story Shortened

A

Haiku – Senryu

Tale
by
Mick Talbot
original
posted
by
Arthur and the Organ
~~~~~~
twas enough my eyes
followed Art his plight grim
mum pleased with her son
#
dad he was so strict
luckily son understood
dad meant well
#
prairie sun scorched
34 dusty dry miles there and back
3 months that organ pack
#
bit by bit all fit
organ assembled ready
music played by mum
#
short story shortened
an interesting tale told
Christine encore more
####

All © Mick Talbot 2016/17

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Nice job!
    In the first one you could probably drop that “they” from the second line. Like so:
    twas enough my eyes
    followed Art in his grim plight
    (If truth be told it was probably a bit of an adventure to a 9-year-old out on a prairie homestead. 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mick Talbot says:

      Hi Christine,
      Many thanks for your appreciation, the advice too. Note I have also removed ‘that’ from the last line in the second one. Another step along my learning curve, yet still a million miles to navigate.

      Like

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